One of the things I did not expect to happen when I became a mother was this... there rarely is any black and white when it comes to raising your kids. When it comes to making decisions about different methods, it's almost impossible to take an all or nothing approach. Motherhood requires flexibility in.... extraordinary amounts. This is why I become perplexed when I hear discussions (often friendly or non-friendly debates) about the many decisions we are faced in parenthood. And these decisions range from: how to diaper, how our babies sleep, when and how to feed them, whether to work or stay home and so on. But I have found something even more incredible that goes beyond what the answers to the above should be... that each family is unique and colorful and unlike the family next door. This is beautiful and should be celebrated in every way possible.
To give an example of how gray you can be, I will use my own sweet little family as an example. In the beginning, I was presented with two choices: breastfeed or formula feed. What no one told me before Mimi was born was that I could do both. As some of you know, I struggled with low supply issues and for the first few months I worked hard trying to achieve 100% breastfeed only status because I truly thought if I didn't I would have to stop and use formula only. Finally, when Mimi hit about 3 months old I gave up. I realized that it didn't have to be one or the other. That I could breastfeed her when it was mutually beneficial for the both of us (which was mornings and evenings) and give her formula the rest of the time. Ironically, after I stopped trying so hard Mimi decided she didn't want formula or the bottle any more and we became an exclusively breastfeeding duo. It was all her though and I think she was waiting for me to learn the most important lesson of motherhood: to give up a little control and go with the flow. She's driving this boat.
Co-sleeping is another example. This is another area of intense debate sometimes in motherhood and of course another area where I am happy to blur the lines. Every night, Mimi goes to sleep in her crib. She (and I) both sleep for 6-7 hours. When she wakes up (usually at 3:30 am), I bring her back to bed with me where we happily snuggle until she's ready to embrace the world at 8 am. There were a few times I did co-sleep with her all night and I found that she woke up far more often which interrupted mine and Bo's sleep too. And interestingly enough, she'd be more cranky the next day. Those few times also led to me throwing my back out because I was unable to sleep in my usual comfortable position. Again, a bit of creativity and flexibility required.
Then there's diapering. I planned to do only cloth diapering when she was born but Mimi had other plans. She indicated very strongly from the day she was born that she does not like being wet. So at about 4 months old, I started ECing (Elimination Communication). I only do what is referred to as "part-time" ECing. At home, Mimi wears cloth diapers. She usually uses the toilet about two-thirds of the time and often if she uses her diaper it's because I wasn't paying attention or she was distracted playing and didn't cue me in time. But because she is using the potty, our laundry pile has gone way down. To blur the lines even further - I also use disposable diapers. Often our outings are all day long and I find it better for us to use disposable diapers. The cloth diapers are too bulky and heavy and I am more likely to forget about them in the trunk of the car. I love cloth diapering and ECing at home. But when Mimi and I are on our play dates - we love our Pampers.
Clearly, there's no black and white in motherhood. There are so many other examples. There's stay-at-home moms and working moms. Right? But there's also moms who work part-time and from home. And let's not forget the stay-at-home dads too. The possibilities are endless. Which is why I am now realizing that each family is unique and colorful in their own way. I love hearing from other moms their own approach and what worked best for them. Sometimes, when we are in a play group setting - I can hear an undertone of defensiveness. Or they will be quick to explain their decisions to all the moms around them. I always hope that I am able to convey love and acceptance of their decisions. In some ways (I should have been an anthropologist), it's like learning about another culture. I love hearing what works for them.
I'd love to hear from other moms where they blurred the lines. What did you think (know) for sure that you'd be doing before your children were born - only to find yourself doing differently after they were here? Also, what's some advice you can give to moms that are feeling that they have to defend or explain their choices?
To give an example of how gray you can be, I will use my own sweet little family as an example. In the beginning, I was presented with two choices: breastfeed or formula feed. What no one told me before Mimi was born was that I could do both. As some of you know, I struggled with low supply issues and for the first few months I worked hard trying to achieve 100% breastfeed only status because I truly thought if I didn't I would have to stop and use formula only. Finally, when Mimi hit about 3 months old I gave up. I realized that it didn't have to be one or the other. That I could breastfeed her when it was mutually beneficial for the both of us (which was mornings and evenings) and give her formula the rest of the time. Ironically, after I stopped trying so hard Mimi decided she didn't want formula or the bottle any more and we became an exclusively breastfeeding duo. It was all her though and I think she was waiting for me to learn the most important lesson of motherhood: to give up a little control and go with the flow. She's driving this boat.
Co-sleeping is another example. This is another area of intense debate sometimes in motherhood and of course another area where I am happy to blur the lines. Every night, Mimi goes to sleep in her crib. She (and I) both sleep for 6-7 hours. When she wakes up (usually at 3:30 am), I bring her back to bed with me where we happily snuggle until she's ready to embrace the world at 8 am. There were a few times I did co-sleep with her all night and I found that she woke up far more often which interrupted mine and Bo's sleep too. And interestingly enough, she'd be more cranky the next day. Those few times also led to me throwing my back out because I was unable to sleep in my usual comfortable position. Again, a bit of creativity and flexibility required.
Then there's diapering. I planned to do only cloth diapering when she was born but Mimi had other plans. She indicated very strongly from the day she was born that she does not like being wet. So at about 4 months old, I started ECing (Elimination Communication). I only do what is referred to as "part-time" ECing. At home, Mimi wears cloth diapers. She usually uses the toilet about two-thirds of the time and often if she uses her diaper it's because I wasn't paying attention or she was distracted playing and didn't cue me in time. But because she is using the potty, our laundry pile has gone way down. To blur the lines even further - I also use disposable diapers. Often our outings are all day long and I find it better for us to use disposable diapers. The cloth diapers are too bulky and heavy and I am more likely to forget about them in the trunk of the car. I love cloth diapering and ECing at home. But when Mimi and I are on our play dates - we love our Pampers.
Clearly, there's no black and white in motherhood. There are so many other examples. There's stay-at-home moms and working moms. Right? But there's also moms who work part-time and from home. And let's not forget the stay-at-home dads too. The possibilities are endless. Which is why I am now realizing that each family is unique and colorful in their own way. I love hearing from other moms their own approach and what worked best for them. Sometimes, when we are in a play group setting - I can hear an undertone of defensiveness. Or they will be quick to explain their decisions to all the moms around them. I always hope that I am able to convey love and acceptance of their decisions. In some ways (I should have been an anthropologist), it's like learning about another culture. I love hearing what works for them.
I'd love to hear from other moms where they blurred the lines. What did you think (know) for sure that you'd be doing before your children were born - only to find yourself doing differently after they were here? Also, what's some advice you can give to moms that are feeling that they have to defend or explain their choices?
PS: Mimi is wearing babylegs!
PS Again: enter this Ugg Boots Giveaway and Good Luck!
